He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
