her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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