Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
