I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
