that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
