guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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