nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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