Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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