Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are a genius and a whore.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
