He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
