plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
