I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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