I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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