I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i love accidental penises.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
