He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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