You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
