I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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