there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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