Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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