making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
