She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
