doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
