I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
