I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
