It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The air taste purple.
Randomize
