Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
