omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
