I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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