i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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