im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
