My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
