i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
