i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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