i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
