Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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