He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
