I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
