He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
