I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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