Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
