Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
