I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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