"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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