Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
