I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
