OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I understand Curling. That high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
