I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
