i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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