so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't turn off my feet"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
