sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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