The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
