thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
