if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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