Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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